Entry Submitted by GK at 7:57 PM EDT on June 18, 2021
Rumplestiltskin the little man first made famous by his trick known as money magic — monetizing debt, lending out 90% more money than he actually had in the bank, war loans being his favorite investment… died on Tuesday June 16 when a woman named Kimberly Ann Goguen pulled the plug on the life support.
No one knows his actual age, he was around 118 years in American years but previously enjoyed decades of war profiteering and enslaving the world dating back to the 1700s in Europe. He was said to be a Sabbatean Khazar Jew and among his many contributions to this world, taking straw and spinning it into gold and monetizing birth certificates that were traded on the World Wide Stock Market, while controlling the ups and downs of the stock market in a totally rigged game– was his tomorrow game that allowed trillions to never be paid back ever because tomorrow was always tomorrow until today when tomorrow was now pretty much not tomorrow anymore.
Rumple… was said to have been getting pretty loopy toward the end and pretty much pooped his bed. His last words were, “You can’t do this to me… I’m RumpelGoddamnStiltskin!” He then shouted out orders to poison everyone with more vaccines, attack China, loan money to China to defend itself and fund NATO, Taiwan, Iran and anyone with a rocket launcher to a slingshot to wipe each other out at 30% interest compounded yearly forever. Some of which was screamed in Yiddish and sort of British.
Funeral Services will display his 3 foot coffin at a New York Deli to be named tomorrow. Or maybe the day after, it’s okay he will keep in the cooler or freezer.
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