Dr. Dinar Update: Ready… Set… Whoa!

READY… SET… WHOA!

by Dr. Dinar

As we approach  the end of the year, the one phrase we continue to hear over and over again is “Everybody’s ready, everything’s in place, we’re simply waiting for the GO signal.”

There’s only one problem. We’ve been hearing that very same phrase for the past 2 or 3 years.

I don’t know about you but I’ve lost quite a bit of faith in that statement.

Actually, more than just a bit.

As a matter of fact, I’ve pretty much filed that phrase under the same category as “Sooner than later” and “We’re in the window”.

The category starts with an “M”… for Meaningless.

And as much as we continually hear there haven’t been any delays, the longer this continues to drag out the less I believe in that statement.

If I have to hear about the horses waiting anxiously in the starting gate one more time, I’m going to open up my own Glue Factory.

Well, I would but I’d need to exchange some IQD first. So I guess that will have to wait.

You get the point. Things can only be “ready to go” for so long before they’re no longer ready to go.

Does that mean the plan has changed? That sounds a bit more plausible.

For as many decades as this traveling Circus has been on the road it’s easy to believe there have been more than a few delays along the way.

Some they could plan for. Others, not so much.

Again, with a never before attempted task as monumental as the GCR, easily understandable.

For example, how many times have you set up your Saturday morning schedule of chores only to just get started and first thing outta the gate, blindsided by the unforseen.

That’s life. Regardless of how well you’ve planned, things rarely, if ever, go as planned.

 For example, let’s say your goal for the weekend is to begin your Saturday by mowing the lawn and straight outta the gate, the lawnmower won’t start.

Sure enough, it’s out of gas. Next stop, the garage to grab a nearby gas can (one of seven or so waiting patiently on the shelf as this is not a new experience).

Wouldn’t you know it, it’s empty as well. So it’s off to the gas station you go.

Upon arrival, you immediately see that your “fave” pump is clear and it’s gonna be your day.

Only one small problem. Reaching for your debit card you instantly discover you’ve forgotten your wallet.

Easy to understand as only a crazy person mows the lawn with their wallet in their cargo shorts pocket.

Nobody wants to mistakenly mow down their wallet, completely shredding everything inside.

Jumping in your car, it’s back home you go.

Fortunately you only live a couple miles away.

Knowing you’ll be back in a flash, this is really no big deal and should only set you back a half hour or so.

After all, you’ve been mapping out the entire scenario in your mind all the way home. No worries, you got this.

Upon arriving home, you run in the house knowing all too well just exactly where your wallet is.

Your default spot, where it always is.

Running in the house, it’s off to your dresser you go.

It’s THE spot for your wallet. Been that way for longer than you can remember.

Well, not this time. Not on top of the dresser.

Not behind the dresser. Not in a top drawer. Not anywhere.

It’s gone. Just plain gone. So much for your so called plan. Now what.

That plan just went out the “everybody’s ready, everything’s in place, just waiting for the GO signal” window.

Whispering (okay, screaming) in your head “Think, you idiot… THINK! Where could that dang thing be!”

It has to be here somewhere. “Ohhh, that’s right. Now I remember!”

It quickly dawns on you that you ordered a pizza last night and needed your wallet to tip the delivery guy.

Heading to the living room, knowing it has to be sitting on the table by the front door, on top of the TV, the coffee table, one of those three spots.

It’s guaranteed to be there, just like the 30 minute delivery guarantee. It’s good as gold.

Or is it. Scouting around, you’re still not seeing it. But you know it’s close and you’ll find it sooner than later.

Under the couch. Behind the TV. That would be a double NO.

Okay, think. Where could it be.

Doing your best not to get too stressed, you already know the last place you used it. To tip the delivery driver.

So you got that goin’ for you, which is nice.

Now all you have to do is find it. Between the couch cushions? Nope. In the car keys bowl by the front door? Another nope.

In the pocket of the sweatshirt you were wearing last night when you went to pay the driver? Again, nope.

Okay, now it’s getting to be more than a bit stressful.

Looking at the clock you quickly realize that you’re already over an hour past your scheduled time for completing the mow job and you’ve yet to get started.

But you’ve still got time and you’ll be back on track before you know it.

All these missing wallet problems far behind you.

Telling yourself to calm down isn’t working.

So what’s the next best thing to bring down your heart rate? Food.

Yep, a “search snack” of some sort. Works every time.

Guaranteed to take your mind off the situation and help you to relax.

And what’s better than “day after” pizza. Ummm… nothing!

It’s almost as if this whole experience was meant to be.

Rushing to the fridge, knowing you still have half a pizza remaining from last nights delivery, it’s off to pizza nirvana you go.

As you grab the box, more than ready to dive on in, what’s that staring you right in the face.

No flippin’ way. How can that be. It can’t, but yet, it is.

Yes, it’s your wallet. The very same wallet you’ve been searching everywhere for over the past 45 minutes.

Then it all comes flooding back.

Shortly before putting the box of uneaten pizza in the fridge, you couldn’t help but grab one last slice and as your hands were full, you plopped your wallet down on the box as you began chomping away.

Phew, mystery solved. Time to call off Jim Rockford, his services won’t be needed here.

Feeling as if you deserve a Finders Fee, a reward of some sort, for finding your wallet, you can’t help but grab a slice before you quickly scramble out the door, jump in your car and head back to the gas station.

Doing your best not to get too down on yourself for this stupid mistake, knowing it was only a two hour setback, all has not been lost

You still have plenty of time to mow the lawn.

Wallet in your pocket, all you have to do is grab a couple gallons of gas and you’ll be home and mowin’ away in no time.

Pulling in the gas station driveway and seeing your fave pump is once again wide open, it’s a sure sign you’ll be out of there and back home in no time.

Swiping your debit card and punching in your PIN, everything’s ready to go.

Oops, forgot to grab the gas can. Rookie mistake.

Easily understandable as it’s not like you have to do this last minute scramble to the gas station every week.

Walking around to the back of your car, opening the trunk, reaching for the gas can and BAM, it’s not there.

Say WHAT!?! I know I brought it. I had it in my hands the first time I was here.

Then it dawns on you that yes, you did indeed have it in your hands the first time you were there.

And you set it down next to the pump prior to realizing that you’d forgotten your wallet.

And in your haste to rush home to grab your wallet, you left the gas can sitting by the pump.

Your first thought is “If I ever catch the guy that stole it I’ll…” but calming yourself, you decide to head on inside the Gas-N-Go in hopes it was found by some kind soul and returned, knowing you’d be returning for it soon.

No such luck. And even worse, the clerk informs you that they’re currently out of gas cans as they’ve had a run on them as of late.

That’s when it hits you. You’ve been down this road before.

Hence the other half dozen gas cans sitting empty on the shelf in the garage, one of which you’d be grabbing before you headed back to the station for the third time.

No sweat, third time’s the charm.

Heading back to your car, shaking your head in defeat, wondering how could all of your plans have gone so wrong, you decide to top off your tank.

After all, you’ve already submitted your card, not much more of a delay.

Might as well make the best of a bad situation. At least it will save you a trip later on in the week.

Click… click… click. $1.43 later, your tank is full and you’re good to go.

Okay, so you filled up a couple days ago and didn’t really need this trip to the station after all.

But you did need your wallet. And if it wasn’t for this whole fiasco playing out the way it did, who knows how long it would’ve taken you to find it.

Let alone to even realize it was missing. At least not until what’s sure to be a rather stressful Monday morning thanks to today’s plans falling through.

Thank you Universe, you done good. Well, good enough anyway.

All the way home you’re working out your Plan C for the rest of the day.

Sure, you’re behind schedule by about 4 hours but there’s still time to get back to your house, grab a gas can, rush back to the gas station, and make it back home again in time to mow the lawn.

Woo Hoo, all is not lost after all. You got this!

Almost home, rounding the corner, Dangit! You’ve gotta be kidding me!

Pulling in your driveway you can’t help but notice that your auto-sprinklers are on full blast and your lawn is completely soaked.

Which, as anybody that’s ever mowed a lawn knows, is the number one “No Go” signal for mowing the lawn.

Which is also the reason why you needed to get an early morning start in the first place. In order to beat the sprinklers.

So much for all your Saturday plans. The lawn will never be dry before dark. Looks like you’ll have to give it another go tomorrow.

Oh wait, no can do. You already made plans to have friends over to watch football. Better make plans for next Saturday instead.

Now, what to do with the rest of your Saturday since all of your plans have been cancelled.

Looks like it’s going to be an afternoon chillaxin’ on the couch with a few slices of leftover pizza.

Sitting there, you begin to reflect on this whole GCR thing and can’t help but wonder if this is what’s going on with those hard working guys and gals back at GCR Headquarters.

Perhaps they’re experiencing these same glitches, continually making plans, only to have them fall through time and time again.

Can’t be something as stupid as them simply forgetting to wind the GCR Clock. Or can it?

Naw, chances are the QFS is now in charge of the GCR Clock along with all of its other duties.

One would also think they have a backup plan as well, just in case their original clock goes cuckoo.

And what about all of the people rumored to be waiting “on hold” at some 7,000 Exchange Centers across the country. They have to be pretty sick and tired of leftover pizza by now.

Any way you choose to look at it, at least you know there are many others who share your frustration of endless plans being cancelled.

At this point the only thing you know for certain is you’re guaranteed to have the best Christmas ever.

And by the time your family and friends arrive for the holidays you’re going to have the best looking lawn on the block.

That is, of course, unless you run out of gas and have to make alternate plans.

If that happens, then all bets are off.

Hang in there folks. We’re getting closer with each passing day and before you know it you’ll be ever so grateful that you never gave up.

Sincerely,
Dr. Dinar

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